ALEX MAISH
We’ve got those sore joints and aching muscles just like everyone else
who’s growing old.
BY ALEX MAISH
So here we are at 46. Who would have guessed it when we were in high school? At that time we didn’t know of anyone with cystic fibrosis who made it out of their 20s. I think we’ve done pretty good, the two of us. What do you think, Body? We’ve made a pretty good team haven’t we?
Yeah, Self, we have, but you’ve been a pretty tough taskmaster. You’ve pushed me pretty hard almost every single day.
I’ve pushed you hard, Body, but I’ve also taken good care of you. I’ve made us do the therapy we need to keep you going, I’ve taken the pills, put in the hours coughing, even when you may have been tired or I want to go join everyone else for a social occasion. I got you tune-ups in the hospital and CPT on a regular basis. I rarely got you drunk, every few years in a safe place just to enjoy the feeling, but not to any excess. No drugs, never smoked, and protected you from air pollution. Made recreation choices that got you the exercise you needed and kept up a weekly exercise routine religiously. Ate healthy. Sounds pretty rigorous, and it has been, but it kept us not only alive but in great shape to do so many of the incredible things life has to offer. I’ve been tempted so often to abuse you as so many people do their bodies, but I know we don’t have that luxury. And we’ve made it to a respectable age in CF circles.
Yeah, Self, but this getting old stuff is for the birds. Still, it’s better than the alternative. Considering what we were up against, I guess we’re doing pretty well. It’s clear I’m slowing down though. I can’t keep up the same exercise routine, and I need oxygen to do anything more than just walking, and sometimes even to just walk, but I’m still able to keep up our daily routine and even keep us working. But I do find the inability to read without glasses, the sore joints, and the gray hair annoying.
Well, Body, I just find it amusing. When everyone complains about getting gray and needing glasses, I just laugh inside. I never expected we’d have to deal with issues of getting old. I never expected to make it this far. CF is a kid’s disease, don’t you know? We did our job too well! And here we are paying the price. We’ve got those sore joints and aching muscles just like everyone else who’s growing old. And I love every minute of it. There probably are people with CF that fear they will automatically die when they grow old because that’s what they hear, but there are quite a few of us older CF adults who are rewriting the book and showing you can have a major impact on how your life turns out. You remember Mimi who never expected to grow up, and when she did, she didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t prepared to be an adult. I guess it can be scary to suddenly realize you need to be responsible for your own life. If you plan for it though, it’s a liberating experience.
Well at least until you run into growing old.
Stop grumbling, Body. So many people are just starting to realize at our age that they aren’t invincible. All their lives they’ve taken their bodies for granted and they just worked for them. They are beginning to have to manage their bodies and make allowances for their limits rather than abuse them. It can be quite a middle-age shock. We, on the other hand, have been doing that for all these years. I’ve had to be finely attuned to your every function, and push each of them to its limit to enable us to accomplish all the things we’ve done. It’s not the way most people live, and it can be quite frustrating to have to be so disciplined and self-demanding, but you’ll have to admit it works.
Yeah, well Self, you did a pretty good job whipping me into shape. At our peak you were able to put 20 pounds of muscle on me by doing weights, and as a result I was able to take you backpacking over hundreds of miles of canyon country and mountain trails for many years. I really enjoyed the skiing too, whooshing down those hills. Worked a demanding full-time schedule for the last 23 years and helped raise a family too. Those workouts and aerobics classes for 18 years were tough, but I’d never been in better shape. Looked pretty good too. It’s hard to watch things slipping away with age, though. If you hadn’t of gotten yourself tied up in knots with that bad relationship and divorce we probably could have still been doing some outdoors activities.
Well, Body, you live and learn. Guess it taught me to be more protective of our self and that stress, literally, can be deadly for us even if we keep up our regular routine. As we grow older I’ve learned to be less tolerant of people who aren’t helpful to us, especially emotionally, but more tolerant of diversity in approach and opinions. I wish I’d learned earlier to surround us with people who are good for us rather than try to make people who aren’t become so. We’ll just have to do our best with what we’ve got left. It’ll force us to slow down, but that’s not so bad. As we get older I’m finding it’s kind of nice to mellow out a bit. That intensity of youth is fine when you have excess energy, but I’m learning it’s OK just to enjoy the moment more. But don’t think that means I’m going to go easy on you, Body. I still have to push you to your limit.
Somehow, Self, I knew that would the case. But you’re talking as if we’ve reached the end of the line. I’ve got quite a bit of life left in me yet. My lungs may be struggling, but we’ve got that transplant lined up, and once you get a new set of lungs in me we’ll get the rest of me back in top shape. Put about 15 pounds of muscle back on, get back into a vigorous exercise routine, and maybe we’ll even be able to go skiing again.
You know, Body, those lungs have given us valiant service all these years. They have done an incredible job. I’m going to miss them when we have that operation, but we’ll have so much more life to experience with the new ones. I know we’ll welcome them and put them to full use. Still, the next few years are a bit scary to me. We are going to have some rough times as the lungs give out and we have to deal with the surgery and possible complications. Guess we’ll just have to face it as we have the other challenges we’ve been through, with a combination of inner strength, acceptance, and grace. We won’t be alone by any means, but in the end it’s you and me that have to pull this off. But I know I can count on you, Body, to give us your best.
Self, with all the love and support we have, we’ll do OK.