There can be a big disconnect when it comes to what I *think* I can do versus what I am physically able to do. There have been times when I have had an infection and it is very clear to my body and mind what my capabilities are at that time. I know when I am running a fever that it is practically impossible for me to do my regular workout or to go grocery shopping. I can deal with it when it is clear cut like that. It is the other times where it isn’t so obvious that are a challenge.
In the past 3 years, as I have waited to get “just sick enough” to be put on the transplant list, my ability to do various tasks has gone up and down more than the stock market. Sometimes my body will know its limits before my mind does. That is the tricky part.
You see, if I am feeling good for quite a few days in a row I will start to do more little things around the house.Then, as I tolerate those well, I try to do bigger things. That is usually where the trouble starts. In my head I am thinking that if I feel good enough to sit at my desk and file lots of paperwork, I must feel good enough to fold some laundry. And if I feel good enough to fold some laundry then I must feel good enough to bend over and scrub the tub right? As I am bent over the tub, breathing heavy, I begin to realize my mind got ahead of body again. And the frustration kicks in.
My mind doesn’t have CF. It stills wants to do all the things I did before but my body simply can’t comply.
I was never very athletic in growing up. But now what do I think about doing? Running. A lot. I see so many double-lung post-transplant people take up running and I get it. I have spent years now pacing my activity level so as not to get too tired and I have watched many activities vanish from my day-to-life.
I look forward to running and dancing. I even look forward to vacuuming the whole house, scrubbing the tub and carrying all the laundry upstairs. Then my mind and body will be in synch again!